Friday, January 2, 2015

The Hope of a new year

Here we are, 2015, a new year as rung in.

I'm still morbidly obese.

The last time I squinted at the scale, I was weighing in still near the 300 LB mark, way too close for comfort at about 280 lbs or so.


I had a really sh!tty 2014. I really bad year personally. It's no wonder I haven't continued to lose weight and am back to my highest weight ever.

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years now and we went through an IVF cycle in May.

I lost both of the little ones we implanted.

Then even more devastatingly, my mother passed away from cancer on October 4. I was cut off at my knees.

That kicked me down and harder than I ever have been kicked in my life. She was my best friend, second only to my husband. And although she had been fighting cancer since March of '13, she was beating it. Or so we thought.

The latest diagnosis was basically, "cancer is back, through parts of her body, spine especially, nothing we can do".

Just heartbreaking.

So the last two months of the year have been me just trying to survive. Me trying not to curl up into a ball on my bed sobbing. Or mumbling to myself in a corner.

I'm still here. I'm still moving forward and holding on to Hope.

So I have decided to renew my blogging posts yet again. And to re focus my weight loss, yet again. Might as well keep trying until I finally get it figured out, yeah?

I will officially start next week, simply because I am in the middle of my work week, lots of extra hours and just worn out. I want to start fresh at the beginning of a week, not the middle. And I really need to do some planning. That seems to help me the most, if I know what I'm going to eat, exercise, etc.

During this weight loss journey the change will be my Hope. Hope for my future, for a possible pregnancy and hope in myself. Hope that I do have a greater purpose and am ready to fulfill it.


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