Friday, January 2, 2015

The Hope of a new year

Here we are, 2015, a new year as rung in.

I'm still morbidly obese.

The last time I squinted at the scale, I was weighing in still near the 300 LB mark, way too close for comfort at about 280 lbs or so.


I had a really sh!tty 2014. I really bad year personally. It's no wonder I haven't continued to lose weight and am back to my highest weight ever.

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years now and we went through an IVF cycle in May.

I lost both of the little ones we implanted.

Then even more devastatingly, my mother passed away from cancer on October 4. I was cut off at my knees.

That kicked me down and harder than I ever have been kicked in my life. She was my best friend, second only to my husband. And although she had been fighting cancer since March of '13, she was beating it. Or so we thought.

The latest diagnosis was basically, "cancer is back, through parts of her body, spine especially, nothing we can do".

Just heartbreaking.

So the last two months of the year have been me just trying to survive. Me trying not to curl up into a ball on my bed sobbing. Or mumbling to myself in a corner.

I'm still here. I'm still moving forward and holding on to Hope.

So I have decided to renew my blogging posts yet again. And to re focus my weight loss, yet again. Might as well keep trying until I finally get it figured out, yeah?

I will officially start next week, simply because I am in the middle of my work week, lots of extra hours and just worn out. I want to start fresh at the beginning of a week, not the middle. And I really need to do some planning. That seems to help me the most, if I know what I'm going to eat, exercise, etc.

During this weight loss journey the change will be my Hope. Hope for my future, for a possible pregnancy and hope in myself. Hope that I do have a greater purpose and am ready to fulfill it.


Thursday, August 28, 2014

The NEW and Improved "Free Day"

    Free day! OM nom nom nom nom
    In the past, I have used our Free Day as a way to basically binge eat my way through things I had been craving all week. And then I would wonder why the scale wasn't moving very much at my next weigh in.
    During this new discovery of true Calorie Deficit and how it will help me lose weight, I did some self reflection and realized I was eating back most/all of my deficit I had created during the week on our "Free Day". 
    This time, I wouldn't let that happen.
    We meticulously planned our free MEAL for Monday, 08/25/14. We enjoyed lunch at a restaurant, therefore allowing me to "bookend" my free day with healthier choices. I started with my Grass Shake for breakfast, just something to put in my belly without a ton of calories. Then, depending on what I ended up eating at lunch, I had my dinner meal to compensate if needed.

    My goal was to basically eat as close to my current maintenance calories for the day, thus giving Monday a 0 on the scale for weight gain or loss. That way my progress throughout the week will actually be spread out over 6 days (as it actually was last week).
    So, how did I do?
    Well, the Husband and I ended up at Ruby Tuesday. We haven't been there in some time due to bad service the last time we went. We had been seeing commercials reminding us about their salad bar and decided that sounded really good for our splurge meal.
    Since we knew where we were going, I spent the night before doing as much research as possible to find what I would eat and the estimated caloric intake of my meal. This helped me really prepare well to ensure I knew what calories I was consuming and plan my day accordingly.
    I ended up enjoying 2 Mini cheeseburgers AND fries. Then I also took one turn at the salad bar. Since there wasn't exact caloric information on the salad bar items (outside the dressings), I tried to overestimate as best as possible. 
    At the end of the day, with a reasonable dinner under my belt, I should have consumed around 2500 calories. 
    That is so much better and probably close to what my current weight "maintenance" calories would be for a day. I look forward to seeing how it is reflected on the scale this next weigh in and if I did as well on my Free Day as hoped.

Monday, August 25, 2014

YES! 8.4 lb Weekly Loss!


Weight: 276.2 lbs (-8.4 lbs) 

I am SO happy with my progress! IT REALLY DOES WORK!!
(I ended up losing just a smidge more than the husband this week! PARTY!)

Let me break down my week for you. My average daily calorie consumption was about 1050 calories. I have set my daily calorie consumption goal between: 1200 - 1500. I know what you are thinking. 

You ate really too low!!!

I wasn't specifically trying to eat super low calories. I genuinely wasn't starving myself. I ate pretty nutritional meals, lots of protein (between 60 to 90 grams of protein daily) and fiber. My calories came from protein and carbs mostly. Was I intentionally eating a low-fat diet? No. 

However, I found out that 1 gram of fat = 9 calories. This is in comparison to both protein and carbs are 1 gram = 4 calories. So as I planned my calorie consumption for the day, I ended up eating lower grams of fat in general. Plus I knew that more protein would help me fill fuller longer. And guess what?! It worked!

The most important take away I had this week was that protein did help me fill up for longer periods of time. Because of this I didn't feel like I was starving all the time. That is cool. I certainly did have moments of cravings. Especially on Friday, mostly because it was an odd work day for me and I had more time on my hands. I didn't go to sleep until much later than I do on other days. So my brain was alert and thinking "I WANT COOKIES EVERYTHING BAD!" I just had to keep looking at the calories I had consumed for the day, calculate what I had left and see what my craving would cost me. 

Once I realized it wasn't worth it, that helped me stay on course. Did I still crave? Heck yeah! But it is so much easier to tell your stomach/brain/etc. "HEY! I can't afford another 1,000 calories! So shut up!"


The Mr. and I did do our planned workouts. They were great! We are a bit sore on the off days, so I know what we are doing is working. We are taking it slow and steady. Basically - I didn't kill myself in hours of workouts either! (you could if you wanted to eat 3,000 calories a day)

Workout A
Core - Plank for 30 seconds
Glutes/Hams - Squat to Overhead Press (both legs) with dumbbells
Lats - Lat pullover with barbell/dumbbell
Quadriceps - Squat (both legs) with barbell/dumbbell
Chest - Bench Press with barbell/dumbbell
Deadlift - with barbell (this will later be changed to hammer curls)

Workout B
Core - Plank for 30 seconds
Upper Back - Barbell/dumbbell row
Single Leg - Step Up (quadriceps) with or without dumbbells 
Also this could include a "glute bridge" thus adding another single leg workout

Triceps - Lying Tricep Extension
Calves - Calf raise 

We do these workouts alternating between them and with a day off in between. Basically three days a week we are doing one of these workouts. On the 3 off days we have, I have chosen to do a very simple 20 minute walk. It isn't anything hardcore, just an easy stroll (no more than about 1 mile in 20 min) through our neighborhood to "stretch my legs". I enjoy walking and think this helps my soreness the day after a strength training routine. 

Upcoming Challenges:
  1. Don't go bananas on free day

  2. I will need to remember on our Free day, to not go banana crazy throughout the entire day, binge eating my way through my calorie deficit the following week. I truly believe this was the reason for my stall out continuously last year, while the Husband lost weight consistently.

    I plan to write more on how my free day went tomorrow.

  3. As I lose weight, my progress will seemingly "stall".

  4. What this really means is that I will need to pay attention to adjusting my calorie intake as I progress. There really won't be a stalling, but as I lose weight, I won't be burning as many calories just sitting around as I am now. It takes a tremendous amount of calories to maintain my current weight. I am already expecting my weight loss per week to go down over time.

  5. Cravings? Binge days? Special events?

  6. I know I am going to have other days of solid cravings. Or days that I may end up eating my way through 4,000 calories in one sitting. Also, I am aware that I can't stop life for months and months while I lose weight. I am going to have to attend special events where I can't control the food or be truly aware of the calories I'm eating. 
    The point is that through all this, I just have to pay attention to how my eating is reflective on the scale. Since I have been dutifully logging every.bite.I.ate that has helped me look at an accurate log of my food. And that helps me make much smarter choices.
Go me!


Friday, August 22, 2014

Calorie Deficit - the best diet ever!

I have finally figured this out.

Here I am 10 months after my last blog post. Again, I fell off the wagon, then had an 8 month party.

But, frustrated again with my weight (it climbed back up too) and ready for a true change, I have finally figured this whole mess out.

The Mr. and I did go through some pretty awful months in the spring. We were dealing with quite a load of stress and trauma. For now, it seems to have settled out - thank goodness! - and we are moving along.

After realizing my weight had ballooned back up to above 280 lbs, I realized that I truly needed to figure this out. I wanted to live healthier and FEEL healthier. This weight is hurting me in so many ways.

Thank goodness I came across some actual sound information during my research. Basically, it all comes down to two words:

Calorie Deficit

What does this mean exactly? I will tell you.

1. You are eating too many calories.
2. You are STILL eating too many calories
3. See above.

That's it

There is no "starvation mode" or major adjustment in your metabolism. There is no gaining an equal amount of muscle while losing the same amount of fat. 

So if I am not losing weight/fat, then I am simply not creating enough of a Calorie Deficit to show on the scale (or in inches). 


Mind blown!

As I read through this blog that explained the magical law of Calorie Deficit, a humongous light bulb went off above my head. 

Seriously, didn't you feel the world was brighter that day?!

Anyhoo. Point is, I feel like I figured out the trick to this weight fat loss and even what to do if the scale stops going down.

Right now I'm in the first week. We will see what the scale reflects on Monday morning. Monday will still be our "free meal" day since we do need one. Some people are able to go through their week and either balance out enough that they can enjoy a higher caloric meal without affecting their bottom line.

But in my case (and the Mr.), we like having a free meal. I have realized, however, that I can't just do an entire Free Day. Basically binge eating all day. That essentially kills any calorie deficit I've created the rest of the week and is reflected on the scale later. 


The other notion about the scale not going down (or going down much) because I think that I've gained 3-4 lbs of muscle in that week and it's affecting my overall loss is utter bull crap too.

Basically, we do gain muscle mass (if you are Strength training, more on that later), but it is SO not at the speed we think. It takes several months and lots of strength training to gain just a few pounds of muscle. And that is only for a Beginner! (otherwise a female can gain about 5 lbs of muscle in a YEAR)

Bottom line is, I am now going to very specifically document and calculate every single calorie that I consume. In fact, I realize I have to be a bit obsessive about it.

As long as this works (and it WILL) that's just fine with me. The fact that I will have a workable fix if the scale isn't moving down, is such a relief to me.

Here we go with my LAST restart! 

Starting Weight: 284.6 lbs 

  • Neck - 16
  • Arms - 16.25
  • Chest - 41
  • Upper Waist (spare tire) - 53
  • Waist (belly button) - 49
  • Hips - 59
  • Thigh - 32.5
  • Calf - 18.25

Meal plan
Daily calorie allotment: > 1500
Other Nutritional Goals: Protein - 100 to 130 g, Fat < 60 g, Carbs < 150 g, 1 gallon of H2O

This is an ideal balance, but I haven't quite hit it yet. Fortunately I have stayed under 1500 calories! And my protein intake has increased tremendously. The biggest thing I've noticed about that is I am truly less hungry throughout the day! WAHOOO!

In fact, the last two days I have only consumed about 1000 calories. I understand this is a bit on the low side, but so far, I'm feeling good hunger-wise and still have decent energy. So I look at it that I am just making up for my calorie binge on Monday.

 Exercise Plan
Strength Training 101!

We decided to give Strength training a go. I really didn't want to go through a crap-ton of cardio (like before) only to not have the calorie deficit I needed, not to mention that my weight loss might actually be muscle loss! 

Strength training will help reduce my muscle loss (and in fact, the goal is to increase muscle) while my body loses FAT with my calorie deficit. 
These workouts are only done 3 times a week, with at least a day rest in between (20 min walk on off days)

And yes, muscle does burn more calories (thus technically improving your metabolism), which is definitely why I want to do strength training for my workouts. OVER TIME I will see an increase in calorie burn.

Workout A:
Core - Plank for 30 seconds (work up to 60 sec)
Glutes/Hams (both legs) - Squat to overhead press
Lats - Barbell/Dumbbell pullover
Quadriceps (both legs) - Squat with barbell/dumbbell
Chest - Barbell/Dumbbell bench press

Workout B:
Core - Plank for 30 seconds (work up to 60 sec)
Glutes/Hams (single leg) - Single leg glute bridge
Upper Back - Barbell/Dumbbell row
Quadriceps (single leg) - Step Up with/without dumbbell
Triceps - Lying Tricep Extension
Calves - Calf Raise

We've already completed one round of both workouts. Of course the first day after, super sore! But now since we completed Workout B, my legs are feeling better. I do a light 20 min walk on my off days and that should help as well.

I can't wait to see my progress on Monday!


Monday, October 28, 2013

Monthly Inches Check - Nice Numbers!

Weight: 246.2 lbs (-2 lb loss!)

Alright-y roo. So, I obviously lost weight this week. Yay! I had done what I could to stay on track. And more importantly I bought a FitBit and actively used it. I think tracking my caloric intake/outtake really helped.

I kept on point with my workout schedule, did lots of walking and even my stability ball exercises. I tapered off doing the water rower. I haven't decided if I plan to get back to it or not. 

Inches - 4.75 inches loss since last posting
  • Neck - 15
  • Arms - 15
  • Wrist - 6.25
  • Chest - 39
  • Upper Waist (spare tire) - 49.5
  • Waist (belly button) - 46.5
  • Hips - 53.5
  • Thigh - 27
  • Calf - 17.25

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

No loss, No gain


Weight: 248.4 lbs (+.2 lbs)

Well meh. I really didn't do much of anything this week according to the scale, eh? Weird too. I felt pretty good about my week, did much more exercising than normal - simply because I wanted to. I actually ended up doing a 'power walk' on Sunday, because I felt like it. 

It was a 2 mile, 32 minute walk. Which means my pace was around 16 min per mile. That's pretty fast for me. 

So yeah, I was expecting a slight loss. I figured I'd lose a lb. Am I a little disappointed at the scale? Sure. But, I also realize I have to account for my indulgences throughout the week. That even if I am accounting for them through exercise (gaining back points to consume), maybe I've miscalculated. 

Oh well.

One thing that is still pushing me is that Husband has still lost 50 lbs (he actually lost another 3 lbs this week *grimace). He's not gaining it back. So, in order for ME to not feel like the fat cow wife, I have to keep going forward. I have to keep losing until I hit my goal. 

I want to believe this time that alone will push me through these meh weeks. 

Despite the meh on the scale, husband and I did enjoy our splurge day. We actually ended up walking around quite a bit, since we hit the mall twice. And in looking around I found a new activity tracker I decided to get.


Oh, how cute is this thing. I am so excited about it! I used to have a bodybugg (still have it around here somewhere) and it was nice, but.... Fitbit seems better suited for me. Plus, I know it won't 'hurt' my arm. I ended up with the Fitbit Flex, since I don't need the clock feature of the Force. I will have to write about it another day after I get it all situated. 

Goal for this week is to push through the non-loss of last week. Also, to keep up with my daily exercise plan (so far, so good!). I may decide to add 1 night of intense workout a week. I haven't fully decided yet, but I'm thinking of a TurboFire workout (which I miss). Once a week for now might be a nice little boost.


Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Very Successful Weigh In


Weight: 248.2 lbs (-4.2 lbs!)

I did it! I managed to lose the weight I gained last week and then some! Just goes to show me that if I do stay focused and stick to my weekly plan then I can achieve success. Yahoo!

 I made sure that each day I did my as planned exercise. I enjoyed the walking I did each day. I would sometimes use the points I gained from exercising to allow myself a few extra snacks. Some days, however, I did not. I tried not to eat too far under my daily allotted points, because I know that under-eating can hurt you just as well.

My focus was on POINT this past week. Sunday I dragged encouraged Husband to go with me on a 5K walk around a local park (it has a full 5K path with markers). The weather was so nice. It was a great day for it. We both truly had a great time. I'm so happy he's coming on board for walking more. Such a good impact for me.

Splurge/Free day this week was awesome. I feel like I'm getting past the point of have-to-have cravings each week. It's almost comical on Free day for us to figure out what we want. We are getting to the point of almost shrugging through it. Don't get me wrong, we do enjoy our free day. But we just aren't gorging like we used to.

And that's a great thing.

This week, I'm feeling almost over-confident again. This can happen when I've had a good weight loss week, or I have some excuse (monthly crap week for a woman) to use to try to eat junk I know I shouldn't.

I sorta let that happen Tuesday. I snuck some sweet junk food that I didn't need, just because. Almost even planned for crap eating on Wednesday. Then I started visualizing the 239 on the scale. Realized that if I don't watch it, I'm going to fall in to my trap again. I really want to see 239. I really want to be down another pants size.

So today, I'm trying very hard to pull my reins back. I know that I am bigger than my cravings/excuses. I know I can finally hit 239 and keep going. I know I can be down another pants size soon. I know I will succeed.